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Cannibal Girls

Score: 9%
Rating: R
Publisher: Shout! Factory
Region: 1
Media: DVD/1
Running Time: 84 Mins.
Genre: Horror
Audio: English Mono

I've seen some really bad movies in my time. I've rated movies less than 10 out of 100, but never have I seen a movie quite so bad as Cannibal Girls!

Gloria (Andrea Martin) and Cliff (Eugene Levy) just want to have a nice, romantic vacation. Like a lot of vacations though, theirs is going to be plagued with problems. First, the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Magically, Gloria talks to the car and convinces it to start back up and get them to the next town. They find a motel to stay in for the night and settle in. The motel owner tells them of a legend of three girls who lured men to their farmhouse and ate them. The women never aged. She says that is why the town is so quiet now, because the legend scares people off.

Next, we see a girl picking up a man in a bar. She tells him that she lives with two girlfriends on a farm just outside town and that he should come stay with them for a bit. Then the town's gas station owner sends another man, Rick (Alan Gordon) on a "short-cut" to the next city by way of the farmhouse as well. He finds himself at the farmhouse after an accident, being attended by a lovely young woman. When he goes downstairs, he finds Earl (Earl Pomerantz) and Felix (Allan Price) playing monopoly, just relaxing. These three guys have decided that there are three of them and three of the women, so it's perfect. Of course, they don't realize that these three women, Clarissa (Bonne Neilson), Leona (Mira Pawluk), and Anthea (Randall Carpenter) are really the cannibals from the legend. Obviously, these guys aren't going to survive too much longer.

Just after this, our young couple decides to head to the restaurant at the farmhouse for dinner. It looks to them like they're the only guests there, but really the rest of the townspeople are in a different room. Dinner proves to be quite odd after their host, the Reverend Alex St. John (Ronald Ulrich), joins them for dinner. They are attended by the three ladies of the house. After dinner, they're in a hurry to get out of there, but unfortunately they're stuck staying for the night, since there is supposedly a maniac out in the woods and they have to walk back since their car is in the shop. Their fate now seems sealed. Will Gloria and Cliff be able to escape the cannibals?

Cannibal Girls features a "Warning Bell" that you can turn on or off. If you choose to have it on, a warning bell will sound just before a "scary" scene comes on so that you know when to look away if you are squeamish. Personally, I found their choice of "scary" scenes amusing. The movie isn't particularly bloody, even by the standards of the day. The plot is sketchy at best, if you can't tell by my description. Really, the only thing I enjoyed about Cannibal Girls was the ending. I did find it to be a suitable conclusion. Otherwise, Cannibal Girls is a complete waste of time. Even the murder scenes are boring.

There are some special features on the DVD, all of which are infinitely more entertaining than the movie itself. You will learn in one of them that there really wasn't a script for Cannibal Girls as much as there was an outline. A lot of the lines were ad lib on the spot, which explains a lot. If you want to waste 84 minutes, then you should watch Cannibal Girls. Otherwise, don't waste your time!



-Cyn, GameVortex Communications
AKA Sara Earl

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