Warlords!
Score: 56% ESRB: Everyone Publisher: Atari Developer: Stainless Games Ltd. Media: Download/1 Players: 1-4 Genre: Classic/Retro/ Arcade
Graphics & Sound: Warlords on Xbox Live Arcade is a relic of gaming history. Part classic port and part updated "evolution" of the original, Warlords is a very tough sell to any modern gamer. The brutal difficulty alone is enough to turn anyone off to this aged game. Visually, the original game is as bare bones as you can imagine. Each corner of the screen is surrounded by corresponding colors to protect a king. There are plenty of colored blocks and bouncing balls, and really there isn't much else to be expected. The evolved version definitely fares better in the graphics department. Unfortunately, it is only marginally better than last-gen counterparts. It is easy to visualize this game as an original Xbox launch title packaged in with a full purchase of another game. There are bright colors and smooth framerates to keep up with the frantic, fast-paced action. Particle effects are used frequently and on the higher difficulties, it can seem almost seizure-inducing in its abundance. The sound design is... adequate. The original game has the quintessential "bloops" and "blips" that make up the retro experience, while the new overhaul has some spacey and futuristic sound effects to accompany the techno-rock soundtrack. Unfortunately, because of the difficulty spike and the speed at which the game plays on the higher difficulties, the repeated sound effects get played together and become downright annoying.
Gameplay: The original Warlords is very traditional in its design philosophy. It was meant to bring in money in the arcades and it shows. Each player inhabits a corner of the screen and bounces a ball at each other until their king is destroyed. Special abilities like being able to catch and charge the ball for additional damage mix it up a bit, but because of the penalty for holding a ball too long, it is best to just keep deflecting it back at the enemies. There is one major problem with both games, though. You simply cannot hit the ball effectively. In the original version of the game, the paddle you were given to defend the castle is too small to do much good. The evolved version's paddle is too slippery to keep it in the exact position that it needs to be in to deflect the shot. There aren't any "modes" to speak of with this package. There is only normal and what is called "Throttle Monkey," which is where the speed is ratcheted up to ten and so is the difficulty. There is so much potential for the overall game and to only see two modes is a little upsetting. There is an online component as well. However, the online community for Warlords is a ghost town. Online play and multiplayer is best left for local affairs because the computer does not fill in any empty slots, so one-on-one matches can last for what seems like an eternity. Once again, the only available modes are the standard game and the "Throttle Monkey" mode. Because of the sheer intensity of "Throttle Monkey," any match that is started quickly ends within a minute.
Difficulty: It may seem easy at first, but I challenge anyone to beat the first level of the original Warlords on their first try. It is almost impossible. The original game is utterly brutal with its rubber band A.I. that seems to know exactly where the ball will hit and is already waiting patiently for the next move. It seems the damage penalty for holding a charged ball is increased for the player while it is almost minimal for the computer. The vintage version is simply unfair, but it is meant to be. It was meant to eat all the quarters in your pocket. The newer version eases the difficulty a bit, but some inconsistent A.I. moments really question if they made any changes at all. There isn't much to the core game to really make anything more or less difficult. Once the match starts, a ball is put onto the board and at regular intervals an additional ball is put into play, with the maximum number of balls being four. Because the game forces you to start over back at level one each time you die, it becomes so frustrating that I would rather be playing Ninja Gaiden because it would be less aggravating.
Game Mechanics: The controls of the game are as simple as ever. The left stick controls the movement of the paddle on-screen while (A) or (B) catch the ball so you can charge it and aim. There is also a way to move the camera to a more desirable position with (LB) and (RB), but it becomes very useless and the depth perception gets skewed and it becomes harder to keep up with the ball. So, it is a useless feature that adds nothing to the game. Since the developers did not see fit to add anything to the original game or even bother with additional modes, the entire presentation feels lazy. Download the demo of the game first to see the crushing difficulty and then delete it off your hard drive forever. Overall, Warlords is one title on Xbox Live Arcade that can be passed up because there is always something better to spend those points on. Besides, four hundred points can buy a handful of Rock Band songs that would provide more enjoyment than this.
-HanChi, GameVortex Communications AKA Matt Hanchey
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